I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My cat gives me a boner
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
