So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
