why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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