I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
