i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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