This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
