I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
