So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
