So drunk its hurt
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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