she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
