I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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