dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
