I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
