I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
