4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
