Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In America we eat man semen.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
