I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
