: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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