So drunk, too bad you don't want this
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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