At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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