we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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