Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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