Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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