Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
