you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
