I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
