we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
