3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
