Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
