The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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