what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
