he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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