worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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