I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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