Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
