First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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