Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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