; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
