physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
