am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
