im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
