Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
