Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
