i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
