I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
