I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
