Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
