I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
