Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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