Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
