either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize