Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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