Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
