As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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