i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
