I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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