we're blogging at a bar
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
