maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
