i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
