How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
