The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
