Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
