even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
