Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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