tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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