Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
