Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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