Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you told grandpa to call you daddy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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