seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
