I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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