He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
